John and Elizabeth Edwards

I read Jonathan Alter's column in this week's Newsweek entitled, "Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged" about the decision that John and Elizabeth Edwards made to keep campaigning despite the fact that Mrs. Edwards' cancer has returned.

Alter is trying to get others to realize that unless you walk in someone else's shoes, you truly cannot begin to imagine what is going through their head. I have experienced this type of situation (in a much different dimension though) before and it always amazes me how people think they understand how you feel or what is going through your mind without knowing what you are experiencing.

I recall a former friend of mine who, though she thought she was helping me, was extremely judgmental and tried to tell me what she thought I was thinking and then told me what I should do. Here's the scenario...she, I, and several other of our friends would go out to the bars. We were all single and I was the lone person of the group who was obese. Going to the bars was not my favorite activity, but I would go to be with my friends. If a group of guys would come up to talk to us, I usually shut down and wasn't very friendly to them. I know where this was coming from; it came from years of rejection and a need to not have to deal with it one more time. My friend (at the time) talked to me after the fact and said that the reason I was never going to have anyone come up to talk to me was because of the fact that I came across so coldly and I just should open up and all would be fine. Though I do agree that the fact I was so cold had something to do with it, I also had a serious self-esteem issue going on due to my self-image perception and let's be honest...I don't think "all" would be fine if I just opened up. The next time we went out and I actually talked to the guys that came up was even more of an amazing exchange between me and this former friend. She told me how proud of me she was that I was able to do this...maybe her heart was in the right place, but this was probably the most patronizing thing that could have been said to me!

What in the world does this have to do with John and Elizabeth Edwards you ask? I apologize for the rant. Those who think they made the decision to continue campaigning purely for political gain need to realize that they will never walk in the Edwards' shoes. This decision may have everything to do with living life and not letting cancer beat them than it does with political gain. Please understand that though everyone is entitled to an opinion, try to step back and realize that unless you've lived in someone else's shoes, you truly do not understand why they do what they do. This is extremely valuable in an efforts you make to try to understand someone who is different.